A Nurse’s Spiritual Awakening
Reiki utilizes life force energy to promote relaxation and profound healing.
Some time ago I was confronted with a core issue that erupted inside of me, forcing an internal exploration. As with many women (and men), this is a story that begins with my mother, whom I loved deeply.
One cool autumn day while taking one of her walks where she had lived for 50 plus years, she tripped and fell head first, hitting her face on the pavement. Up to that moment, my mother, a healthy 85-year-old, had been outgoing and respected by many in her community.
That day she lay in the street, unconscious, until a neighbor discovered her and called 911. The accident changed both of our lives.
Working the evening shift as a registered nurse at the local hospital, I received the call from my brother telling me about the accident. Fortunately, my mother was admitted to hospital where I was working.
I was horrified when I first saw her lying there in the hospital bed. This powerful, strong-willed woman with great pride had transformed into a vulnerable helpless soul. The bruises, abrasions, swollen eyes and head trauma brought me to tears. I didn’t want my mother to see my tears or fear in my eyes. I said to myself, “I am a nurse; I can nurse her back to health. I am tough and I can handle this.” But the tears came anyway. I did my best to comfort and reassure her, knowing that she was deathly afraid of hospitals.
As my mother’s health declined over the next months, she became increasingly more dependent, requiring constant care. I, too, struggled; I so wanted to fix her. I prayed, and prayed for my mother to recover so that she could resume her former levels of activity, her activities of daily living. I didn’t want my mother to die.
My mother meant the world to me. She had given me unconditional love all my life. She wasn’t Mother Theresa, but she had always been there when I needed her. And now there she was, in front of me, slowly regressing and becoming disabled. This was the most heart wrenching time in my life. My heart literally ached. The feeling of powerlessness was becoming unbearable.
My mother, though, was in denial of her condition, both physical and spiritual. The three most difficult things I had to tell her were: (a) you can’t drive your car anymore, (b) we need an aide to help with your care, and (c) it is ok to let go and ask God to take you home.
The stress and anxiety was taking a toll on my body. I was having difficulty concentrating at work. Most of my mental energies went to worrying if the aide was caring for my mother the precise way I wanted her to. At this point, I was definitely in my control mode. And since stress has a way of expressing itself physically, my neck was becoming a tightrope with many knots. Luckily, my partner suggested we go to a health spa for a weekend. I agreed, partly because I realized that on some level my anxiety was rubbing off onto my mother and partner, even though I tried to guard that from happening. Though I’d been trained, in nursing, on ways to deal effectively with the patient-nurse relationship to avoid bringing my work home, I was having much difficulty.
Off we went, even though I had gotten a lot of resistance from my mother, who was becoming increasingly emotionally dependent upon me. I received many spa treatments during the weekend with little neck pain relief. The day we were to return home, I was offered a Reiki treatment. I was skeptical, but being desperate, I agreed. Much to my surprise, I was profoundly affected. My neck pain decreased considerably, but what really impressed me was that I felt a peace I had never experienced before. All my life I wanted to have a knowing, a heart-felt knowing, that there was something greater than my self - some God, Spirit, Higher Self, Oneness - guiding me for my highest good. Reiki opened that part of me that I yearned for. I knew at that point that I wanted to learn about Reiki and the healing effects it offered.
After receiving my first level training, I was able to start healing myself. I knew this was not a quick fix. I had a lot of issues that needed to be addressed. One day at a time, I was able to relieve my fears and anxiety. As a result, I was able to comfort my mother and offer Reiki when asked. Our relationship grew deeper. We openly talked about death and dying, a subject that was extremely difficult for my mother. I slowly let go of trying to be in control, and allowed what was to be, to be.
Over a year went by before my mother passed over to the other side. Even though the time between her fall and her passing was by far the most difficult time in my life, it was the most profoundly healing. I can say I am not the same person I once was. Today, I truly trust my intuitive self, allowing joy and love to fill my heart instead of fear.
Reiki is an ancient therapy utilizing life force energy to promote relaxation and profound healing. More and more clinical evidence supports the integrated approach to healing and wellness. Hospitals and medical centers around the world are implementing a blended approach. Such an approach is available to anyone willing to access it; many first experience Reiki, as I did, through community caregivers.
In closing, I offer gratitude and blessings to all caregivers who inhabit this great planet of ours. And a special mahalo to Kuan Yin for her compassionate eyes upon my current life in the beautiful islands of Hawaii.