Why I Needed to Forgive
This story is about forgiveness, and the resulting transformation is something I would like to share with you.
I grew up in a small town, on a private road in rural New Jersey. The setting was breath taking; seven acres of virgin forest, a babbling brook with rainbow trout playing with the frogs and turtles.
When my mother, who was in her late seventies, was having difficulty with the upkeep of the property, I decided to return home. Being in my mid forties, single at the time, and feeling deeply connected to the land, I thought it would be an easy transition, so I hoped.
Shortly after settling in and adjusting to living back home, I developed a deep love for the land, working many hours a day to maintain Mother Nature’s beauty. As this bond developed, I was becoming protective of my home, and starting to be on the lookout for trespassers.
A year or so after my return home, the property adjacent to ours, was sold. I was apprehensive, knowing that the new owners would have the right away to pass through my property to get to their new home. This would be a first. Living on a private road, there were no municipal traffic laws that could be enforced.
Initially the new home owner, Mr. Owl and I were friendly, but that was short lived. We both had strong egos. He was tall, stocky, with an intimidating manner. When he didn’t get his way, the anger would pour out of him like a raging bull. I also had some anger issues which surfaced after our first confrontation. Over the years our relationship became so strained that it became verbally abusive. There were many rumors about Mr. Owl’s vindictive nature in the neighborhood, which heightened my anxiety.
Friends would say, “Pray for him”. I said, Love thee neighbor? No way! The heck with that! How could I possible pray for someone who was abusive, hateful, vengeful and arrogant?
Over the years the animosity I felt toward him, was taking its toll. I was becoming increasingly afraid of him. My heart would pound as he raced his car pass me. My dog also felt the tension and wanted to chase after his car. It wasn’t easy containing a large Rottweiler. I had horrifying thoughts that if given the opportunity, he would run my dog over. I finally decided to just ignore him.
I new a shift needed to happen between us. I did not want to be afraid of Mr. Owl anymore. I also new he was not going to change. I needed to change my attitude toward him. I finally took the advice my friend told me many years earlier, “pray for him”. Every time he would race pass my driveway, I would send him Reiki love. I got to a point, where I actually felt the Reiki love, I was sending. My priorities were shifting. I felt drawn toward spiritual ways of thinking. Traveling to sacred places like the Amazon Rain Forest helped to foster peace loving thoughts and feelings. I was beginning to address my issues of fear and anger which I had no idea, how much these negative emotions were interfering with my happiness.
A few months before the closing on my home, I heard that Mr. Owl had triple bypass heart surgery. I guess all those years of being angry and full of rage caught up with him. For some strange reason, I felt sorry for him. I realized the Reiki love I was sending him over the past year, also helping me get in touch with my compassionate side.
I decided to send Mr. Owl a get well card. The thought of sending this tyrant a get well card two years ago would not have even entered my mind.
Two weeks later, while taking my dog for a walk, my neighbor drove up to me, stopped his car and said in a gruff tone, “Diane that was a beautiful card you sent me”. At that moment I had tears in my eyes. He said, “Let’s forget the past. It’s over with”. We talked about his heart surgery and how frightening it was for him. We hugged, yes hugged and said our good byes. Over the next couple of months we developed a friendly relationship. Being a nurse, I offered and he accepted teaching on how to take his own blood pressure and monitor his medications.
In closing, I learned a painful but powerful lesson. Until I was willing to forgive and love myself, I was not able to fully forgive and love others.
Be part of the solution, not the cause. Mother Earth needs your help. Empower your world, heal yourself.